I'd like to submit a feedback thread that is probably going to seem like a complete 180 to what I wrote two months ago. Regardless, I felt a public acknowledgement--in the same manner as my previous post--was necessary. A lot happened these past couple months. I've hinted here and there that I've been having second thoughts about leaving, culminating in my decision tonight to stay. This however, did not come without debate...and a lot of it. I'd have to contribute most of my second thoughts to: 1. Octa and I had a heated discussion, which resulted later on in a lengthy, completely unexpected apology. He didn't hate me, and wanted to make that clear...as I now want to make clear to those reading. Also, while I made several moves during my latter tenure as Lead that were out of line, he told me more or less that the swiftness and poor communication by which the decision to demote me was made--was also out of line. While he says the apology came late...an apology is an apology, and I accept it and forgive Octa and any other Leads that were involved in my demotion. 2. Xinn. I felt angry after her passing, and upset, and sad like most of us here. I was closer to her than most members of the community--and I can say that seeing so many people who were affected by her brought me (yes, even Tobi) to tears. Getting immersed in the community between memorializing Xinn and finishing my museum really made me think back on how much I've invested here. How many brilliant, funny, and compassionate people I've crossed paths with, Xinn being an incredible highlight. 3. Something I've only told Chairman, oddly enough, up until now--is that this server had a hand in saving me. When I first joined, I was suicidal depressive. I was a mess. I was flunking out of school, and was just giving up on everything. MaM/OMM gave me an escape from my mind (which while in large quantity is a very bad thing, in this case ultimately was good). And over time, as I started going to therapy, it became less about escapism (my turbulent early-moderator days) and more about trying to become a better-rounded person. Getting Lead Mod was unexpected, and honestly was a major growing experience. I got to be in charge of projects, running a team, creating rulesets...I even learned forensic accounting from the economic rescue xD. I learned a great deal...a lot more than one would expect from a computer game with 8 bit graphics. And though my tenure as a Moderator ended on a sour note, if I could make up for that in any way at all, I would in a heartbeat. All that said, I'm no longer who or where I was three years ago. I transferred schools, graduated with high honors, and have been in the process of wiggling my way into grad school. I'm in a relationship with an amazing woman, and we're looking to move in together. If I didn't have this server back then to help me get away from the darkness floating in my mind...I don't know if I would have seen where I've ended up. I've said like ten times now that I hate being one of the people that writes a big ole goodbye thread, then comes back a couple months later acting as if nothing happened. I want to clarify that a lot DID happen. And while I haven't forgotten it, I do forgive it, and apologize for my part in it as well. If there's anything I've genuinely seen in the past couple months, it's how fantastic this place is. I'm reminiscent like a number of vets are, but I also see how far everything (and everyone) has come, including myself, and it's inspiring. Thank you, OMM. Cheers.